Another Beginning
by Alexa Johnson
Summary: Hermione takes on an unexpected, challenging assignment after the War that leaves her wondering if perhaps she's gone too far. Draco/Hermione. DH compliant, EWE.


**Summary: **Hermione takes on an unexpected, challenging assignment after the War that leaves her wondering if perhaps she's gone too far. Draco/Hermione. DH compliant, EWE.

**Author's Note: **This was written for anglicwitch at the 2009 Ring in the New Year round at the dmhgficexchange on livejournal. Thank you to my wonderful beta, Virginia Bell. I hope you all will enjoy, and comments are appreciated!

**Disclaimer: **JKR owns Harry Potter. I simply love her sandbox.

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**Another Beginning**

_By: Alexa Johnson_

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**Day 1**

She's not sure she can do this.

No, really.

And that's not something she says lightly, because she's Hermione Granger and she can do just about anything. She's aware that can put people off sometimes, but that's just how she is, and she's not ready to change that just to get people to like her.

This time, though, she thinks she may have gone too far, but it's too late to do anything about it.

At least money's not an issue, which is one thing Hermione appreciates right now.

She finds a large apartment on sale in Muggle London and buys it without a minute's hesitation, because if she's going to be roommates with Draco Malfoy, she wants as much space to herself as possible.

They have their own rooms and bathrooms, and the kitchen and living room are generous for a two-person apartment. She claims the room away from the entrance, because if she just keeps her door shut, all she'll hear is him moving around, which will make it easier to forget who he is.

Because that's honestly going to be the only way she'll get through this.

**Day 5**

Kingsley Shacklebolt himself brings Malfoy directly to her door, and the scowl on his face looks permanently engraved. All he has is one bag, and his other hand is shoved deep into the pocket of his trousers.

"He's all yours," Kingsley says grimly, and she has to fight back a sarcastic _thank you very much_.

Instead, she opts for a tight smile. There's no guarantee what might come out of her mouth right now, so keeping it shut is probably the best course of action.

"We really appreciate what you're doing here, Hermione." He actually does sound sincere, but it's not all that comforting. "We'd like reports at least once a month until the two years are up, but please contact the Ministry if he gives you any trouble."

Malfoy's scowl deepens even further at that, but he keeps whatever nasty thoughts are likely breeding in his brain to himself.

"I will." She can't quite bring herself to say _thank you_, and though she knows she brought this on herself, she's regretting it with every fiber of her being.

The worst of it is that she probably would not have done anything differently even if she had the chance, because that's just how she is. Nobody else had offered, and she'd felt obligated as an Order member to volunteer out of some misguided sense of duty.

Kingsley just nods at her, and then he's gone and she and Malfoy are alone.

For a moment, there's just silence, but they might as well be talking because it's hot and heavy and uncomfortable.

Finally, she motions him in, and before he can get in the first word, she says, "This is your room."

She retrieves the key she copied out of her pocket and thrusts it at him.

He grabs it in a quick, angry motion, not once lifting his scowl from the floor. Well, if he doesn't even want to acknowledge her, that's fine. It'll just make it easier for her to ignore him.

"Just don't lose it," she says, voice tight, and before the verbal diarrhea starts, she heads down to her room and shuts herself up in it.

It's going to be a long two years.

**Day 6**

As far as she's aware, Malfoy hasn't even come out of his room once today.

She wonders briefly what he's doing in there, and then decides she doesn't care. If he wants food he knows where to get it, and his community service hours don't start until Monday, so he doesn't even have anything he needs to get up for.

So she returns to the stack of paperwork on her desk, fiercely telling herself to remain indifferent.

She can't afford the investment, and there's no way it will be worth it.

**Day 7**

"Malfoy."

She knocks insistently on his door a few times, and when she doesn't hear anything, she raises her voice and tries again. "Malfoy!"

Sighing, she checks the time impatiently, tapping her foot in irritation. It's a quarter to eight, and if Malfoy doesn't hurry up, she's going to be late for work. Seeing no other option, she opens his door and just walks in.

"Come on Malfoy, you've got to get to the library—"

Then she really gets a good look at him, and what she sees makes her pause. Malfoy's sprawled out on the bed, still clothed in what he'd been wearing the day he arrived, with an arm thrown across his face and the other twisted in the sheets.

As she gets closer, she notices dark smudges beneath his eyes and the tension in his body, and thinks the pronounced paleness in his cheeks looks decidedly unhealthy.

It must be some latent maternal instinct, but she doesn't have time to worry about Malfoy's physical condition right now. She shakes his shoulder and says his name again, and suddenly Malfoy jolts upright and grasps her arm, eyes distant and breathing heavily.

She can't help but wonder what he's seeing.

"It's all right Malfoy, whatever it was, it was just a dream…you're okay now…"

Merlin, but this is unnatural and just plain bizarre.

Malfoy takes a couple deep breaths and blinks a few times, and his grip around her arm relaxes enough so she can slip out of it. Then he looks at her, and the sneer that's growing on his face is all it takes for the little bit of sympathy she'd been feeling to die in her throat.

"Your community service hours start today, and you've got about ten minutes to get to the library," she says icily. "Being late for the first day would be a terrible initial impression."

His sneer turns a shade darker. "That would mean something if I cared."

She folds her arms across her chest and straightens. "Well, you should. The Ministry expects reports of your behavior while you're with me, and if I so much as imply that you've been resisting, they'll shut you back up in Azkaban and make sure you never see the light of day again."

"Better that than the future I've got."

"Oh please, don't tell me you actually want to end up like your father. And I'm not happier about this than you are—I only volunteered because no one else wanted you."

"Well, if you're expecting to hear a thank you, you might as well forget it. I don't need pity, not yours or anyone else's."

"It wasn't pity, you idiot—I don't even feel that for you. It was out of duty, though I can't imagine you'd know anything about that."

"Don't presume to know anything about me, Granger. Because you don't."

"Oh trust me Malfoy, I know enough. And we've already wasted too much time here, so you'd better get moving. You don't want me accompanying you, so I'd actually listen if I were you."

He swings his legs onto the floor sullenly, and she turns to leave.

But when she gets to the door, she stops and adds casually, "And you might want to shower and change before you go. It's starting to smell in here."

He actually grows at that, and though she's not entirely sure, it sounded a lot like bitch. Better that than stupid Mudblood, but at this point that's little consolation. If every morning is going to be this difficult, she thinks she might go crazy.

Well, she's not going to give him that satisfaction.

She's stronger than that.

**Day 12**

By the end of the week though, they've begun to fall into a pattern.

She wakes up at seven to get her shower and eats her breakfast in peace, makes sure Malfoy is awake before she leaves, and then heads out to the Ministry. She doesn't get back until late, usually close to ten, and by this point Malfoy is already in his room for the night.

She knows it won't last.

But it's nice to hope.

**Day 13**

"It's called a washing machine."

It had occurred to her just last night that Malfoy might not know how to use standard Muggle appliances, and sure enough she finds him bent over the machine in the morning when she goes to put in a load.

"I know what it's called, you infuriating woman," he snaps, not even bothering to look at her. "Instead of standing there being annoying, make yourself useful and tell me how it works."

She bristles. "In case you haven't noticed, this isn't Malfoy Manor, and I'm not some servant you can just order around. I'll help you only if you ask me nicely."

His jaw clenches, and for a moment she thinks he won't be able to do it. Then: "Could you help me with the washing machine. Please."

Well, it hadn't even been a question and he'd looked physically pained with each word, but it is a start.

And she'll give even Malfoy that.

**Day 15**

She looks in the mirror one last time before she decides there's nothing more she can do, and grabs her purse and hurries out of the bathroom before she can change her mind.

Malfoy's out in the living room for a change, lying on the couch reading a book. She gets a peek at it and laughs.

He scowls. "Shut up, Granger."

But she simply can't help herself. "_The Velveteen Rabbit_, Malfoy?"

"It's my turn to read for children's hour tomorrow," he grumbles.

Picturing Malfoy reading to children is just too much, and she only laughs harder.

"I'm warning you, Granger," he threatens, and then stops when he gets a good look at what she's wearing. "What are you all dressed up for? Trying to impress The Weasel?"

She's wearing a tight black dress with black heels and she knows she looks good, and Malfoy's assumption only makes her angry. She's not trying to Impress Ron, she's not. It's just been a while since she's seen him and Harry because of their Auror training and her work, and they're going to a classy place and she wants to look classy, too.

"I'm not trying to impress anyone, Malfoy," she says, "I'm just going out to dinner with _friends_, though I can't imagine you'd know anything about what having friends is like."

Malfoy rolls his eyes. "Ohhh, _burn_. You really know how to wound me where it hurts. I'm so upset that I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight."

"Whatever, Malfoy," she says over her shoulder as she heads out the door. "Enjoy your fairytale—don't wait up!"

She doesn't hear his response, but she's sure it's something nasty.

She's annoyed at him, but she's even more annoyed that he'd hit so close to the mark.

It's true that things have been cold between them since their last fight, the fight that made it clear to her that a relationship with him would end up ruining their friendship, and maybe she does want to make him regret losing her.

But she's completely over Ron and is happy to be friends, that he even wants to be friends after the things they'd said.

There are plenty of other men out there who will be able to love and appreciate her as she is—she just hasn't found any yet.

**Day 16**

Okay, so she'd lied.

She's not completely over Ron, not at all.

At dinner he'd announced he'd been seeing someone, some girl he'd met at the Auror Academy a while ago, and he'd said things are getting serious, like asking-her-to-move-in-with-him serious.

She'd gone all cold inside, and had only been able to say a pathetic little, "Oh."

That had seemed only more horrible and unsupportive next to Harry's enthusiastic clap on the back and exclamation of "That's great mate, I'd been wondering when that was going to happen."

And that had only made her feel worse, like an outsider, and she'd spent the rest of dinner trying to hold in her panic, because all she could see was her two best friends becoming closer with each other and forgetting about her, which would leave her with Draco Malfoy.

But at the end of the meal, when Ron had gone to use the toilet one last time while she and Harry went to get their coats, Harry'd said softly, "She looks a lot like you, you know. I don't really think he's as over you as he's trying to get you to believe."

That hadn't made her feel better at all, because that just meant he'd found someone with her looks but with a better personality, someone who wouldn't nag him all the time and tell him he should spend more time reading than playing Quidditch.

She'd been angry, and still is, but at least Malfoy's a convenient scapegoat.

While a part of her knew Malfoy'd just been being his usual obnoxious self, he'd also been right, which only makes her angrier. If she hadn't been trying to impress him and hadn't secretly been hoping to win him back, even with all of their compatibility issues, she wouldn't have cared.

She's not supposed to care.

And Malfoy's not supposed to be right about anything.

**Day 22**

A few days later, her doorbell rings while she's decompressing with hot cocoa and a book before bed, and she opens the door to find Ron standing there, already fidgeting and looking awkward.

Malfoy's mercifully made himself scarce, and after a few minutes of them looking anywhere but at each other, Hermione invites him in, but he doesn't.

There's a few more seconds of painful awkwardness, and finally she says, "Look, Ron—"

"There's something I, uh, need to tell you." He's still not looking at her, and her stomach fills with dread because she's suddenly terribly afraid she knows where this is going. "It's about—about Rachel."

Oh, she's _good_.

But she's not about to make this any easier for him, and she leans against the doorframe and folds her arms across her chest. It strikes her how reminiscent of Malfoy the pose is, and she has to force back the bark of laughter. She can't lose her composure now.

"She, uh, doesn't like it. When I'm with you." His voice is very, very quiet, and she's having a hard time wrapping her heart around what he's saying. "I think she's—threatened by you, or something. I guess it's some weird girl thing."

She's not quite sure she's hearing this.

She'd been expecting something different, something more along the lines of _Hermione, I'm really, really sorry I didn't tell you about Rachel, but we're still cool, right?_

Not this.

The shock hasn't worn off yet, though it's only a matter of time before it's replaced with some kind of emotion.

"So what, you're going to let some girl you've only recently met control your entire life?" she demands, voice rising as the hysteria sets in. "Ron, we've been friends for a long time and have been through so much together—"

"I know, Hermione." And though she can see the anguish in his eyes, it's not making this any better. Taking a deep breath, he continues, "But I—I'm falling in love with her. With Rachel. And you've got to make sacrifices for love, right?"

There's so much she wants to say to him.

_Then why did you torture me for so long with Lavender?_

_Why did you let me go so easily when there'd been nothing stopping us? When we could've worked through our differences?_

_What about the sacrifices I've made, and what about my feelings?_

_And why did you only kiss me when you thought we were all going to die?_

But all she says is, "Sure. Sacrifices. I get it."

"Hermione—"

"Ron—don't. Whatever it is—just don't. Please?"

But it's already too late because her voice just cracked a little, and though it hadn't been much, it's enough to make Ron flinch.

_Good_, she thinks viciously. _That's only a fraction of what I'm feeling_.

He opens his mouth and then thinks better of it, and she doesn't even wait for him to walk all the way down the hallway before she shuts the door, sliding down it to bury her face in her hands.

It's not that she's jealous of Rachel. She doesn't even hate her.

She's angry with Ron, but she's angrier at herself. If only she hadn't come to depend on a future with Ron in it, it'd be easier to let go. Even after their last fight, a part of her had still been hoping he'd come after her anyway.

Like if he'd come to her and said, I don't care about our differences, I'd do anything to be with you because I love you too much to let you go, she'd have made sacrifices of her own to be with him.

Because honestly, who doesn't want to be loved that much?

While she refuses to change her_self_ for love, she's afraid nobody will be able to love her as she is. Harry has Ginny. And now Ron has Rachel. Who is out there for her?

And if Malfoy'd heard any of that or heard her crying in her bedroom later, at least he decides to keep that knowledge to himself.

**Day 23**

At least she has her work to distract her.

She comes home late the next day, even for her, and she's missed dinner, so she's hungry and tired but doesn't feel like cooking.

She's thinking she'll just pass out and forget food altogether when Malfoy comes out of his room to say, "In case you were interested Granger, there's leftover Chinese in the fridge."

Startled, she says, "Thank you."

He shrugs. "Whatever. There's always too much, and I wasn't that hungry anyway."

He disappears back into his room, and she stares after him for a moment, blinking bleary eyes at his door.

Had that been Malfoy trying to be nice?

She's never seen him being nice to anyone, and now he's all of a sudden trying to be nice to her?

_Apocalyptically weird._

**Day 30**

After the War, Hermione could've had any job she wanted.

But she'd wanted to build a reputation apart from simply being a war hero, wanted to be able to show people—and herself—that she'd earned her job through hard work and dedication, and not been successful simply because she'd felt entitled to it.

So after the funerals and the clean up, she'd taken an accelerated course Hogwarts had offered to those in her year to prepare for the N.E.W.T. examinations, and after that she'd landed a small desk job in the Department for Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry.

It's hardly mentally stimulating—most of the time she just types up reports—and she doesn't really like the work all that much. But she thinks it's important to hate at least one job you have so you'll appreciate a job you love that much more and won't ever take it for granted.

But sometimes she can't help but wonder what she's doing.

**Day 36**

_Dear Kingsley,_

_I trust this letter finds you well. Malfoy is doing respectably, the best that we could have hoped. I still think he may be cooperating simply to end his probation on time, but I'm also starting to think he wants to change. I have to believe he wants to change. You have to have a new perspective when you've lost everything the way Malfoy has, and in time I really do think he'll come around. I'll send another report soon._

_Yours,  
Hermione Granger_

**Day 40**

"So what's it been like? Not having magic?"

"What do you _think_ it'd be like? It sucks."

Malfoy's charges had included two years of magical probation along with an Order babysitter to keep an eye on him and community service. All he'd had to do was pick a place that had some kind of manual labor.

"It's like—a part of me is missing. I'm not quite sure who I am without it."

His eyes are distant, and she's pretty sure he hadn't meant to reveal something that personal to her. "Are you _really_ sure it's the loss of magic that's making you feel like that though?"

A shadow passes over his face. "You have no idea what I'm going through, Granger. None."

And just like that, the moment's gone.

**Day 42**

She'd caught Malfoy reading over another children's book yesterday—Oh, The Places You'll Go!—and she's so curious to see him in action that she simply can't help herself.

She knows children's hour is at six so she gets off work early and heads over to the library, hiding herself in the stacks by the children's section. Malfoy is sitting on a stool, surrounded by small crowd of eager children.

He's holding the book out so they can see the pictures, and she's just close enough to hear him as he reads, "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go."

As he's turning the page, he looks up and catches her eye, and she knows why he chose this book. This is his way of telling her that he does want to start over, that he wants to become a different person and she's his witness and a good place to start because she'd been a big part of his past.

She gives him a smile, a smile that says I understand, and she's only dimly aware that he's continued reading.

Maybe a part of her even wants to—needs to—genuinely make up with him too, so she can properly deal with her own past and his role in it. She's usually the first to advocate a second chance for someone, but Malfoy'd been the person who'd introduced her to the ugly side of the Wizarding world, just when she'd thought she'd found a place she might be able to belong.

He'd made her feel insecure, made her doubt herself, and she'd hated him even more because of that. But if she can forgive Malfoy, she thinks she might be able to make peace with other parts of her past too—Ron, her parents—and what she'd told Kingsley had been true.

"…with your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street."

And she really hopes he is.

**Day 50**

"So I have to ask—have you changed your opinion on Pureblood superiority at all?"

He folds his arms across his chest and glares at her. "Well, it depends."

She sighs. "On what?"

"If you'll actually listen to what I'm saying, even if it's not what you want to hear."

She'd taken a huge risk even asking the question, and she appreciates him giving any kind of answer at all that's not some sarcastic quip. "Of course I will."

She can see the struggle in his mind manifest into tension in his entire body, and she braces herself. Finally he says, "The truth is that—I'm not really sure what I believe anymore."

Well, maybe there's actually hope for him after all.

She hopes he can sense her gratitude. "Thank you."

But he's too lost in his own thoughts to respond.

**Day 52**

She's starting to think that maybe she's wronged Malfoy as much as he's wronged her.

He hadn't picked his parents, and they'd influenced him as much as her parents had influenced her. She's not so naïve as to label Malfoy a complete victim of his situation, but it's only natural for a child to want the approval of parents, to do anything to get it.

And in the end, when it had mattered most, he hadn't been able to kill Dumbledore.

Because it hadn't really been about killing the wizard—he'd just wanted to protect his family, but even Malfoy hadn't been able to ruin himself to do it.

And hadn't she gone too far when she'd stripped her parents of their minds, making them forget who they were?

Her intentions had been noble, but that doesn't make the means right.

Maybe he hadn't really been that different from them at all.

They'd just been on different sides, but fighting for the same thing.

**Day 58**

It's easier to be nicer to Malfoy after that realization, and she can understand the difficulties of his situation more, the burden he faces.

Because it's basically up to him to reinvent the Malfoy name, and though she's come to see him differently, the Wizarding world isn't going to be so ready to accept the fact that his future is not his past.

But she's willing and ready to help.

**Day 64**

The guy she'd been crushing on in the office had finally asked her out on a date, and it had been such a long time since she'd been able to dress up that she goes all out. She even straightens her hair.

His name is Robert and he's twenty-eight, and since it takes the average male about five years to catch up to the average woman, she thinks that maybe he'll be different, that maybe the reason she and Ron hadn't worked out hadn't so much been them as it had been their age.

So she has high hopes, and because of that she's even more disappointed to find out at dinner how much of a _bore_ he is.

All he can talk about is work, and since all work is all she does, it's the last thing she wants to hear about on a date. She'd rather pick his brains intellectually, but he can only talk about facts. She feigns interest, says all the right things at the right times, but it's probably the hardest thing she's done since agreeing to watch over Malfoy.

But despite all that, she _still_ finds herself saying that she'll see him again—either he hadn't picked up on her indifference or he's too into her to see that she's not—and when he drops her back at her apartment, she's so tempted to bash her head into a wall.

Why in Merlin's name had she said yes?

_Why?_

But it's not the end of the world, because she has his number now, and she can call him before work tomorrow to tell him that she's changed her mind.

**Day 73**

"I really hope you're not all dressed up to go out with Robert again, Granger."

"What's it to you?"

"Because after having heard you rant about him for almost an hour, I'd really appreciate not having to go through that again."

She had, because she'd just been so frustrated.

Why couldn't a guy be mature, interesting, and handsome, and like her?

After she'd slept on it though, she'd thought that maybe she should give him another chance, that maybe she hadn't been being entirely fair to him. Maybe he'd just been nervous.

So she hadn't been able to go through with her original intentions.

"Well Malfoy, if it's the same as the first date, I'll just keep it to myself, all right?"

"Please."

So she's already upset and annoyed when she leaves, really hoping she won't have to listen to Malfoy say _I told you so._

**Day 80**

Why can't she follow the same instincts with relationships that she can with work?

She'd known, deep down, that Robert wasn't going to be any good for her, but she'd wanted so badly to be wrong. But she'd really just been using him to boost her self-confidence, so she can say that men are capable of loving her as more than a friend.

"Why am I such a loser?" she moans in a moment of weakness as she's making herself a cup of hot cocoa. "Why do I repel men?"

"You're not a loser, Granger," Malfoy says from his place on the couch, though she suspects he's only saying that in the hopes it'll shut her up. "You just intimidate people. Men don't like it when they're trying to impress someone they feel is smarter than they are."

She frowns. "I don't intimidate _you_, do I?"

"Nobody intimidates me, Granger. I'm Draco fucking Malfoy." But it's only half-hearted, because they both know that's not true. Finally he says, "You shouldn't expect so much from people. They'll only let you down."

"Maybe you can live like that," she says, shaking her head, "but I can't."

"But how can you live with constant disappointment? At least with my philosophy, there's a slight chance of being pleasantly surprised."

"I need to at least trust my friends. In spite of Rachel, I know Ron wouldn't hesitate to come after me if I were captured or help me if I had no one else to turn to."

And it's that certainty that's made it possible for her to forgive him. They might not be able to be friends the way they used to, but that bond will always be there.

But Malfoy is shaking his head, looking at her as if she's out of her mind. "Why the hell would you ever think that?"

"Because that's what friends do."

"That's what _family_ does," Malfoy corrects. "No one else would be worth that kind of sacrifice."

And she can't even be angry with him.

She just thinks it's sad that Malfoy's never had that kind of relationship with anyone.

**Day 87**

_Dear Kingsley,_

_I really do think this punishment has been far more beneficial than any prison sentence would've been. I realize it's only been a couple months, but he's actually listening to me now and I really do feel that he may even, in time, form his own conclusions now that he no longer directly under the influence of his family. I trust this letter finds you well._

_Yours,  
Hermione Granger_

**Day 98**

The notice comes in a small, official looking white envelope.

_Dear Mr. Malfoy,_

_We regret to inform you that Lucius Malfoy passed away last night in Azkaban prison. Cause of death at this time is uncertain. You have our condolences._

_Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minister of Magic_

Hermione frowns down at the letter, and wonders what to do with it. She doesn't really want to have this conversation with him, but she can't deny her curiosity as to what his reaction will be. So she decides to wait, and hands him the envelope when he comes in later.

He eyes the letter uncertainly but doesn't take it, and looks at her suspiciously. "What the fuck is this?"

"It came for you today," she says calmly. "It's from the Ministry."

"If you've already read it, why don't you just tell me what it says?" he asks coldly.

But she just holds out the letter wordlessly, and finally he takes it in a huff and opens it. It takes mere seconds for his entire expression to change, and she sees more emotions cross his face than she probably ever has since she's known him. And then he remembers she's there and his face shuts down completely. Crumpling the letter in his hand, he walks into his room and closes the door behind him, leaving her staring after him thoughtfully.

Well, this had not been the reaction she'd expected.

But then again, what _had_ she been expecting?

Tears?

Rage?

She can't imagine grieving over the death of a man like Lucius Malfoy and wonders what it must be like for Malfoy. After all, Lucius had practically ruined the Malfoy family, and it's largely because of him that Malfoy has to live like this, with her, without magic, for two years.

And who knows what'll happen to him after his probation is up, what kind of name he'll be able to make for himself with his background and past haunting him.

For really the first time, she seriously considers his bitterness and resentment, emotions she'd thought to be mainly directed at her and the Ministry, and can't believe she's been that self-absorbed.

**Day 99**

She's glad it's a weekend because no matter what mood Malfoy is in, it's pretty much guaranteed that he'll be his usual sarcastic, prickly self to her no matter how much their relationship has changed.

She's come to see that for what it is, as a defense mechanism, and she's learned not to take his remarks personally.

But still—the holidays are coming, and she's starting to feel the affects of the Christmas spirit.

And she's determined to bring some of it to Malfoy.

**Day 106**

Hermione's always loved Christmas, and she's not going to let Malfoy ruin her mood. She hasn't felt this good in a while, and there's no telling how long it'll last.

So she spends the entire day decorating the apartment and listening to Christmas music, and Malfoy comes out of his room to grumble, "I think I just threw up in my mouth a little."

"Oh come on Malfoy, stop being such a Grinch."

He blinks at her. "A what?"

She stares at him. "Have you honestly never read _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_?" Smirking, she continues, "Actually, I think you'd like it. You should read that one to the children next."

"Ha, ha, Granger."

"No really—you could even dress up and sing them the Grinch song."

He lifts an eyebrow at her. "There's a song?"

Grinning now, she sings, voice low and scratchy, "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel. Mr. Grinch!"

He snorts. "_Charming as an eel_? That doesn't even make sense."

"You're totally missing the point," she sighs as she opens the front door to put the wreath up.

"Please, Granger, enlighten me."

"Oh, whatever," she huffs, "it's not worth the effort. It's just a fun song, and the analogies are meant to be funny! It's not supposed to make sense!"

"Now that, I find funny," he declares, "I never thought the day would come when Hermione Granger would say something wasn't meant to make sense!"

"I can see what you're doing," she calls after him as she goes to get the fairy lights, "and it's not going to work! I'm going to stay in the Christmas spirit no matter how miserable you are!"

He's already on his way back to his room when she emerges, growling, "I'm not miserable. I'm annoyed."

"Could've fooled me," she mutters.

And maybe it's because she needs the distraction, but she's only more resolute than ever to infect Malfoy with holiday spirit.

**Day 115**

She decorates his door with snowflakes, and she comes back from work to find them in a crumpled pile outside hers. She leaves Christmas music playing on the radio, and he'll come in to turn it off, smirking at her.

It's now become a game.

But there's one more thing the apartment needs, and she actually does need his help for that.

"Hey Malfoy…"

"What, Granger?" he calls, warily.

"Want to come pick out a Christmas tree with me?"

"Why in Merlin's name would I want to do that?"

"So you can show off how muscular and manly you are," she says, grinning. "And because it'll be fun, and even you deserve a little."

"Gee, thanks Granger," he drawls, "you're so generous. If I help you, will you stop bothering me?"

"Didn't you like getting the tree when you were younger?"

"I wouldn't know."

She stares at him. "You mean you never went tree shopping with your parents?"

"No. House elves always took care of that."

She resists the urge to defend the house elves, because that's not what this is about.

"What about decorating?"

He rolls his eyes. "Like I said…"

"Well, no wonder you don't know anything about the Christmas spirit!" she exclaims, shaking her head. "Come on. I promise I'll stop harassing you if you do this with me."

"Fine," he grumbles, and they trudge through the snow to the Christmas tree farm, which is just a few blocks from their apartment. They're a lot of big trees but she wants a cute small one because it'll fit in their living room better, and she's just thinking they'll have to go to a different place when she spots it. It's certainly bigger than Charlie Brown's Christmas tree, but that's what it reminds her of, and she knows she has to have it.

Malfoy hasn't said a word, and she's about to ask him what he thinks of the tree, and when she turns to face him, he's looking at her with an odd expression on his face. It's like…he's seeing her for the first time. And then the moment's gone, and she wonders if she's imagined it.

But she asks anyway. "What?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing."

She doesn't really want to push the conversation ahead anyway so she lets it go.

As they're walking back, Malfoy with the little tree hoisted on his shoulder, she looks to make sure no one's around before taking out her wand and shrinks it, catching it and putting it in her pocket.

He's glaring at her. "If you were going to do that anyway, why'd you bother me so much to come with you?"

"Because it's more fun with company, and even being with you is better than being alone would've been."

She waits for the expected sarcastic comment, but he has an indescribable expression on his face.

"Why do you care so much?" he asks quietly.

"Because that's who I am," she says simply. "Even when I tell myself not to, that only seems to make me care more. It's not because I pity you, or because you've become some project. But I feel as though I've gotten to know a little more, and I like what I've been seeing."

"Well I'm not trying to impress you, so don't get your knickers all in a twist."

"Don't think for one second that you've had any affect whatsoever on my knickers."

He smirks. "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

"Whatever, Malfoy. I won't try to take your delusions away from you if they'll make you feel better about yourself. Besides, you need all the help you can get."

"Fuck you, Granger," he says, but there's not even a trace of cruelty in his tone. It's almost pleasant, in fact.

"Hey, you started it," she returns, smiling. She can count the number of times Malfoy's been like this on one hand, and she really does enjoy being around him when he's in these moods.

He nods. "True. And this is me, finishing it."

The mischievous glint in his eye really should have alerted her to what was coming, but before she can react, he stuffs a snowball down the front of her shirt, running away cackling.

"Malfoy!" Hermione cries, gasping because fuck, it's cold, and she takes off after him, frantically brushing the snow out.

He's already several paces ahead of her, and she quickly makes a good-sized snowball of her own and heaves it at him.

It hits him square in the back, and she shouts in triumph. Even if it's not against his skin, it would've been really embarrassing if she'd missed.

"You throw like a man, Granger," he calls, stopping to turn around so she can see him smirking at her. "I'm impressed."

"Oh, I'm not done yet," she warns, and then she launches herself at him, taking advantage of the brief moment he's unbalanced by pushing him to the ground, where they land in a heap in the snow.

"Oof," he gasps, taking a moment to get his breath back before he adds, "If you've broken something, there'll be hell to pay."

"Well, you'd deserve it after putting snow down my shirt."

"I suppose you're right."

It's then she realizes how close they are, and his legs are tangled around hers, and her left arm is trapped beneath his body. He's looking at her again the way she'd caught him when they'd been looking at the tree, and suddenly, she's inexplicably afraid.

"We're going to get frostbitten if we stay out here much longer," she says lamely, but he actually lets her go, and they walk back to the apartment in tense silence.

**Day 126**

Christmas passes quietly.

She got gifts from Harry and from her parents, with a note saying that their love for her has only grown stronger in the months they haven't seen or spoken to each other, and that they want to start the New Year with forgiveness.

_We understand you only had good intentions_, the note reads, _and now that we've had time for the feelings of betrayal to wear off, we can see that. And we want you back in our lives, as you were always meant to be_.

There are tears in her eyes by the end, and she hasn't even read Ron's note yet. She'd sent him one too, letting him know that if he'd really found love with Rachel, she's happy for him. And he tells her he's never stopped loving her.

_The reason I walked away wasn't because I didn't love you enough to follow you, his messy cursive reads, but because you deserve someone who really appreciates, understands, and relates to everything you're passionate about. I'm sure you've realized by now that, in spite of whatever feelings might still exist between us, our interests are too different, even with love._

_That kiss was everything I hadn't been able to say to you, everything I wished I had been able to say. But I've never had a real way with words, and I wanted to give you at least that much. _

She can't believe she's ever doubted him, because in spite of what she'd told Malfoy, a part of her has, and now she's grateful Ron had the courage to leave her when she'd been overwhelmed with feelings.

She does feel a little badly for Malfoy, who hasn't been allowed to contact anyone for the duration of his probation, not even his mother.

"I don't suppose _you_ know how my mother's doing," he says, the inflection an odd mixture of statement and question.

"I haven't heard anything about her. I'm sorry, Malfoy." And she hopes he can hear the sincerity in her voice.

He sighs, and she sees a brief glimpse of the pain he must be feeling in his eyes while his guard is down. "I should be with her. Who knows how she's coping, with me here and Father…"

It's the first time he's even mentioned Lucius Malfoy in front of her since finding out about his death, and she wonders if he's been able to even grieve properly yet.

"Your mother's a strong woman, Malfoy," she says, giving him a comforting pat on the back. "She'll be fine."

"I really hope you're right, Granger."

And, for his sake, she does too.

**Day 130**

The depression creeps up on her again just in time for New Years even though she'd been more hopeful right after Christmas.

She's supposed to be with Harry and Ron, and they were going to have a huge party, invite all their old classmates, and honor all those who'd lost their lives by celebrating the start of a year of peace.

But Harry had planned a romantic getaway with Ginny, and Ron was with Rachel and their families. Her parents had decided to go on a cruise, and in spite of their letter she hadn't wanted to force herself on them.

So that leaves her by herself, depressed. She'd gotten a bottle of champagne the day before in preparation and she's already on glass number two, and only feels like more of a pathetic loser because she's drinking by herself.

At least Malfoy's here, so she's not the only loser around.

But she thinks she might be more of a loser, because at least Malfoy doesn't have friends or family and she does, they've just chosen not to be with her.

Oh well, at least it's almost midnight, and then she can go to bed and hope that she won't be this miserable next year.

Malfoy chooses this time to come out of his room, and gives her and her alcohol an appraising look. "Best idea you've had in a while, Granger. Any left for me?"

She holds out the bottle to him, which is still half full. Instead of getting a glass of his own, he takes the bottle from her and drinks from it. "Honestly, Malfoy, how lazy are you? It would've taken you only five seconds to go over there, get a glass, and come back."

He wipes his mouth with his sleeve as he sets the bottle down. "Why do all that when the alcohol's right here?"

She glares. "Because it's unsanitary?"

He just shrugs. "So disinfect it. You're the one who offered it."

She shakes her head. Why had she even wanted his company? Even being alone had been better.

She looks up to see the clock turn midnight, and words cannot describe her relief that this year is finally over. That's probably what brings her to raise her glass. "Happy New Year, Malfoy."

He acknowledges her with the bottle. "Happy fucking New Year to you too, Granger."

She should've escaped to her bedroom then, but he's giving her an odd, indescribable look and feels compelled to stay. Then he says, "Aren't we supposed to kiss, or something?"

She stares at him for a few seconds before shaking herself out of it, and attempts a casual position. She doesn't want to kiss Malfoy, not really, but her mouth is suddenly dry anyway and she feels lightheaded. But that's probably the alcohol—she'd always been a lightweight.

"Well, we don't have to necessarily—"

But he's already moved forward to take the glass from her hand and put it in the counter, and she looks up to protest only to find herself about an inch away from his face.

And then he kisses her.

It only lasts for about a second before she pulls away to search his face because she wants to know what this is, wants to know that this isn't some I-haven't-been-kissed-in-a-while-and-you're-the-only-one-around-kiss.

"Oh why the hell not," she says, grinning, and he's actually smiling too, and she throws her arms around his neck and kisses him some more.

Because she can't think of any better way to really start over, to really move on to the New Year and leave her old self behind than to kiss Draco Malfoy. She's aware that's not really the greatest reason to kiss someone, but maybe that's why he's kissing her too.

**Day 131**

Well, it had ended up being more than kissing.

A lot more.

They'd gotten so caught up in the heat of the moment that it was as if they'd forgotten each other, and she awakes with a start, his warm body pressed against hers, when she realizes that they hadn't…

_Oh sweet Merlin._

But what are the chances of that happening anyway?

Maybe the odds will work in her favor.

**Day 134**

She's edgy all the time now, and the littlest things set her off.

Her gut is telling her this isn't just simple PMS, although she really wishes it were.

Heading into the kitchen to make herself some tea, Malfoy comes up from behind her to get a cup out of the cupboard, and as he's reaching up his arm brushes against hers.

She jumps. "Watch it, will you?"

"What's your problem, Granger?" Malfoy snaps, stepping away from her. "I touched you for maybe all of five seconds."

A smirk spreads slowly across his face as he adds, "I did more the other night and you didn't even complain once…"

She glares. "I was drunk."

"Nonsense," Malfoy scoffs, "you'd only had two glasses. No one gets drunk on champagne that fast."

"Well, I'm a lightweight."

She's not lying, not entirely—she may have just had two, but she'd downed them pretty quickly, and had certainly been feeling a little dizzy. And maybe she is stretching the truth, but Malfoy definitely doesn't need to know that.

He's staring at her oddly again, frowning. "You know, Granger—"

"Malfoy, don't. Whatever it is you're about to say, save it. I'm really not in the mood."

Instead of just going ahead and speaking his mind anyway, which is what he usually does, his expression goes cold and blank, and he walks away without a word.

Feeling suddenly weary, she lets her head fall into her hands and doesn't move for a long time.

**Day 137**

When she comes home from work, there's a package in front of her door with a note attached.

It reads:

_Well this is late, but it took me some time to sneak out to get this for you. And you say I have no holiday spirit._

Chuckling at that a little in spite of herself, and when she opens it, she's shocked to see it's the book she'd been eyeing when she'd taken Malfoy to the bookstore once some time ago, but she'd decided she had plenty of books and work to keep her busy to hadn't bought it.

She hadn't even known he'd been paying that any attention, and all she can do is stare at it while she's flooded with an onslaught of emotions.

She's feeling guilty because she hadn't even bought him anything, but if she does so now it won't seem genuine, and she's not sure what to do.

What does this mean, exactly?

Suddenly, inexplicably, she feels like crying.

**Day 148**

Her cycle hasn't started.

It's _always_ on time.

But it could just be a few days late…

**Day 156**

Nothing.

_Fuck._

**Day 160**

Avoiding Malfoy is difficult, but she's been doing her best since the new twist to The Incident.

That's how Hermione has to refer to it in her head, because that makes it easier to avoid thinking about the possible consequences.

And okay, maybe she'd been the one to start the avoiding, but she needs the distance to protect herself. Her feelings are a mess right now, and she has to sort them out on her own, without him getting in the way.

He's in the way enough as it is in her head, and for the first time since Ron, her heart is lost.

**Day 167**

She hasn't seen Harry in a while, what with the holidays and their conflicting, busy schedules, but she's not quite ready to tell Ron and she's not sure who else to go to.

She's only just begun speaking with her parents again, and she doesn't want this to interfere.

So they'd managed to find some time for lunch, and now here they are.

Except she's not quite sure how to tell him, so the first thing out of her mouth when Harry asks her how she's doing is that she's fine.

But Harry's not buying any of it. "Hermione…are you sure?"

"Well, I suppose that would depend on your definition of the word." She tries to smile, but her mouth stubbornly stays put.

Harry frowns. "What's wrong, Hermione? Has Malfoy done something to you?"

"Well, partly yes…but it's more me. Harry, I'm—I'm pregnant. I haven't told anyone, and it's been killing me."

"Is it Malfoy?"

She bites her lip. "Yes."

"I'm not quite sure what to tell you, Hermione. Do you love him?"

She gapes at him. "Harry, I just told you Malfoy is the father of my baby, _Malfoy_—and you want to know if I _love him_?"

She's searching his face for anger, disbelief, but there's nothing but worry and sympathy and it's almost too much because he's looking at her as if that had been the only thing to say.

He's still waiting for her, and she's all set to say _of course not, don't be ridiculous_, but what comes out is—

"Yes." Her eyes widen at the realization, but even more so because it feels right. "Yes, I do."

"Then there's only one thing you can do."

She lifts her head, encouraged. "You're right."

**Day 168**

She comes home from work early hoping to catch him by surprise, and sure enough she opens the door to find him lying on the couch reading.

He sits up with a start, and she realizes she has no idea how to begin.

"I need to talk to you," she says finally, because she needs to buy herself more time.

His trademark blank expression covers his face. "Don't worry. It's already been forgotten. I don't need an explanation."

She shakes her head. "No, no, that's not it at all. Malfoy, I…I'm—"

But the words are stuck stubbornly in her throat.

Understanding fills his eyes.

He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Frowning, he shuts it, and it takes him another try before he finally manages, "Why me?"

"Because," she begins, and now it's her turn to take a preparatory breath, "because you're the father of my baby. And more importantly because—I love you."

In spite of the initial understanding, he looks as though he's having a hard time processing it. "I'm—you…"

"That's why I started avoiding you." She drops her gaze, bites her lip, and then forces herself to look at him.

His eyes are suspiciously bright, but she's afraid of what he's going to say, so she continues, "I'm not proud of that, and I'm not sure an apology is going to make up for it. But I've—been in love with you for a while, although I didn't know it, and I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same. But I'm tired of being afraid, and you deserve the truth."

For a moment there's just silence as he stares at her, and it's so awful that if it lasts any longer she thinks she might die.

Finally, he whispers, "I've never been anything else but a coward. That's why I haven't been able to say anything. I think I'll be the world's shittiest father, but I'm willing to try. Because—because I love you too. You make me feel like I can be so much more than what I am, just by _looking_ at me. And no one else has had that kind of affect on me."

"And no one challenges me the way you do," she admits. "I've grown as a person since living with you, and have come to see a lot of things differently. You might not know it, but you've had a lot to do with that, and I really think we can make this work."

He's still frowning. "I'm not a nice person, Granger."

"I hate that word," she says, shuddering. "I know there's a little darkness in you, and I like that. And you might have done some pretty cowardly things in the past, but you shouldn't let that define your future."

Her lips curve into a smile. "Besides…you're being pretty brave right now."

He holds her close, and she lets her head fall into the crook of his neck.

She'd always dreamt of going places, and had never expected she'd end up here.

_But it's not an end_, she thinks, smiling into Malfoy's lips as they kiss again.

It's just another beginning.

**FIN**


End file.
